After much hard work, I am learning to embrace my diagnosis as a gift; but that wasn’t always the case.
Tag: recovery
A couple of years ago, I drove myself to the emergency room, unsure if I was having a heart event or a panic attack. My chest was tight, my breathing was rapid and shallow, and the longer I tried to calm myself down, the worse I felt.Long story short: It was panic. Nothing was wrong […]
When asked to think about my very worst day, several pop up at once in my mind. I wonder if I’m alone in this or if others have experienced their “worst day” more than once. I suppose that is a part of being human with imperfect relationships in an uncertain world. It truly feels awful […]
It was Thanksgiving morning, and I was standing in the shower, escaping for a moment into a world of hot water and steam. My morning shower had become my last refuge.Image by Olya Adamovich from PixabayDevastating Loss. Ultimate Freedom.I was no stranger to loss. In fact, loss seemed to be a fairly constant companion in […]
I could write an altogether exhausting essay on how at seventeen I was raped – how I lost my virginity to my boyfriend and his two friends, in an act of violence and an act most definitely not consensual. Or I could write an essay on how that same night when I was at my […]
TRIGGER WARNING: Childhood sexual abuseI have never in my life wanted to die so badly.As I heard him pull in the driveway I froze in fear, shame, and guilt. “Get up, act busy, wipe your face girl!” I tried to tell myself. But, I just laid there frozen. I listened in horror as he gently […]
“The world breaks everyone, and afterward, some are strong at the broken places.”-Ernest HemingwayThe worst day of my life was the day my husband left me.He walked out on the anniversary of the day he first asked me out, twelve years earlier. We were sixteen then – high school sweethearts. When he walked out, we […]
I’ll never forget the day I started cursing. It was the day my husband admitted to having an affair.Even though I had suspected for a few months, all I could do was whisper “Bastard” and walk out the door. (I know, pretty low on the cussing scale, but we all have to start somewhere!) It was […]
Ready to Share Your Story?For the past few years, I’ve shared my story openly about my very worst day: believing the lie that I was a burden on my family, reading my Bible in a hotel room while writing my suicide notes, and eventually trying to end my life. But my story doesn’t end there. A […]
facebook.com/devinbalramphotoA friend of mine asks deep questions with ease. We often talk about mental health and check in with each other, sharing our experiences of surviving suicide. She’s lost close friends, and I nearly lost my husband.She asked me, “How do you feel these days when Steve is speaking somewhere and you’re in the audience?”If […]