Categories
Best of Messy Grace faith Messy Grace Recovery Religious Recovery The Struggle With Church

I Don’t Need to be Saved

Have you ever been cut off by a friend? I don’t mean moving away and slowly disconnecting. I am talking about a sharp, intentional separation, from friendship to…not.
It’s happened to me twice in the past six months. I get it. I’ve been become more vocal than ever in sharing honestly who I am, who I want to be, and what I believe. I am learning to be vulnerable, but that doesn’t make me invincible. The pain of losing a true friend cuts deep. In both situations, I lost a friend I had shared deep parts of my soul with– both past sins and future dreams. They were kind of friends you’d lend money or drop everything to rescue from the side of the highway. Vacations with your families kind of friendships. And now they are over.

Why? One word I have grown to hate…

Categories
faith Messy Grace

Eggshells and Jesus

In times when I see someone I care about struggling, my default is to revert to my old ways of thinking. My “savior complex” kicks into overdrive and I have to stop myself from looking for the nearest phone booth to change from suit to superhero. Often, I hear some cherry-picked Scripture in my head and think how easy it would be to give a sense of hope that everything will magically be alright, just around the next bend.
But not everyone is looking for a Super Christian. Not really.

Categories
faith Family Mental Health

Living Through the Aftermath of My Mom’s Suicide

I was twelve when my mom killed herself. My parents were divorced. My dad was remarried and lived nearby. My older brother lived in his own apartment, so it was just me and my mom making our way.
She sometimes left me home alone when she went out drinking. I begged her to stay home, but she would only promise to be home by a certain time. My neediness was useless to change anything.

I slept at my dad’s house the night my mom died. More accurately, I moved in. A few blocks were all that separated the houses—a slight but infinite distance. This time the sleepover wouldn’t end. When the sun rose I wouldn’t have a home to return to. Home as I knew it had vanished.

Categories
faith

God helps those who …

I live in the South, where “Christian” is synonymous with “Republican.” My older family members always voted down the party line. I live in a place where people say things like, “I don’t see how you can vote Democrat and still call yourself a Christian.”
Now that I’m a little older, I’ve realized my political views are actually pretty varied, and they don’t fall along party lines. I can no longer talk about inclusion for the outcast and faith in the underdog, yet vote down the “us vs. them” mentality of a particular party.

Categories
faith Recovery Recovery from Abuse

God Works Ordinarily

For years, I believed exactly what Christine Caine’s quote says: God can do in a second what you have been unable to do alone for years.
But it only led me away from Christ.

We wish for it, but unfortunately, God usually doesn’t change our circumstances in an instant.

Categories
faith Parenting

Finding God in Times of Transition

In times of transition, it’s normal to feel lost or forgotten. But you are not lost, and neither is God. He is right where He’s always been, longing to be with us in our struggle. He wants to wait with us while we look for our new normal. He is never intimidated by our situation and He never gives up on us, even when we lack faith.

Categories
Best of Messy Grace faith Messy Grace Recovery Religious Recovery The Struggle With Church

Religion is Complicated. Jesus is Not.

I believe in a Jesus who straightened out all the crooked paths we humans devised and made the complicated things simple. I believe in a Jesus who welcomed the little children who longed to be near him. I am one of those little children, who is content just to at His feet.

Categories
faith Mental Health Messy Grace

Is it possible to live again? Life after PPD.

After Ben’s birth in September 2011, I suffered from severe sleep deprivation, psychosis, and postpartum depression.
It was the darkest time in my life. I was hospitalized for nearly 2 weeks and separated from my newborn for most of that time. The situation was completely beyond my control but I felt so much shame over it. With the help of good doctors and my amazing family I began to recover and finally feel like myself again.

Categories
Best of Messy Grace faith Messy Grace

Can You Lose God?

Letter to a friend: You lose a job. You lose a spouse. You might even lose a child. You lose car keys, your wallet, and your debit card. If you’re lucky, you lose weight. Some folks lose hair. You might even lose your mind.   But lose God?  No sir. You might lose heart. You […]

Categories
Best of Messy Grace faith Messy Grace

This World is Cruel but God is Love.

I learned a great lesson about messy grace in a high school classroom. I’m eavesdropping on a high school conversation. An openly gay boy, talking to a girl who is eleven weeks pregnant. The boy asked, “How awkward was it [telling your parents]?” And she responded, “Daddy threw a couple of things and cussed me […]